Dr. David Frawley:  In yogic thought there are four stages of life, the childhood phase (Brahmacharya), the householder phase (Grihastha), retirement in nature (Vanaprastha) and the renunciate (Sannyasa). It is said that the householder stage where one raises a family and provides for others is the most important, that it is the very pillar and foundation for all the rest. It is the Lakshmi phase through which all the other stages of life are cared for. So it is central for the health of society.

At an individual level there are two approaches to the spiritual life reflecting these. The first is the monastic, renunciate or sadhu tradition in which one gives up all family life, which emphasizes the fourth stage of life. The second is householder tradition in which one continues with the family life but does spiritual practices along with it.

In the Hindu religion, monks and priests are different and also reflect these two roles. Monks renounce the world and generally do not participate in ceremonies or perform priestly roles, except as special attendees. Priests are part of the society and marry and have children. Yet those who are not priests also are expected to marry and contribute to the welfare of the society. For the performance of Hindu and Vedic rituals both the husband and wife are required.

Besides the tradition of Swami and monastic gurus, we see that there is also a tradition of householder gurus. Notable in this regard were Sri Ramakrishna, who was a also a temple priest, Lahiri Mahashaya, the guru of Paramahansa Yogananda’s guru, and Lord Krishna himself. The old Rishi tradition of India was also primarily a householder tradition.

Yet these two traditions, the monk and the priest, often overlap. Many Swamis were married in their earlier years. Many householder gurus go off for long periods of solitude.

Both ways are valid. Generally, the householder approach is easier and more common. Even in ancient India there were always fewer monks than householder disciples. Today the monastic approach is yet more difficult as all over the world, the monastic orders and their means of funding are in decline. So generally the householder approach is the safest and best to follow. However, this does require that regular worship goes on in the home in order to make it into a temple, as well as the performance of Yoga and meditation.

So the family is essential for the material and spiritual welfare of society. It also provides a spiritual path in itself.

 
 
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT POLYGAMIC RELATIONSHIPS?

 
Dr. David Frawley: Monogamy is the norm and is generally the best for everyone but some exceptions can occur. There are instances in Hindu thought of polygamy. Krishna had more than one wife.  Polygamy also has existed in various religious traditions and in various aristocratic classes. However, polygamy has legal and other issues in the modern world. It is very psychologically complicated as well.

The main rule is that there must be respect in relationship, a sense of the sacred, a looking at each person according to their divine or soul essence, not just as a means of personal gratification or social advancement. This can be easier to do in monogamy that reflects a one to one relationship.

 
 HOW DO YOU THINK IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE MARRIAGE LIFE HAPPIER?

Dr. David Frawley: The two partners should share the same spiritual path and aspiration. They should share in daily rituals and meditations, particularly some form of devotion that unites them at a heart level. They should be friends and respect one another. They should also be happy in the other person’s happiness and not compete with one another.

Much strain occurs upon relationship today because there is no longer an extended family or community to support and cushion the nuclear family. So being part of a spiritual community can help protect the family and marriage life.

In the modern world, we tend to be individuals first and only parts of a family or community second, if at all. We should reintegrate the family into larger social units.

Having a guru or spiritual guide to go to in order to deal with marriage issues is also important. The couple needs a common teacher both respect to help resolve differences between them that may arise.

Where does this thirst for spiritual methods come from in our pragmatic world? Moreover, the more a person is successful socially, the more he strives to develop spiritually. We are discussing this topic with the best trainer of the 2004 festival Rami Bleckt (Israel).

- Rami, first of all let me dispel some anxiety. Usually, people, including me, think of those who have profoundly developed spiritually with suspicion and even fear. Could you please tell something about yourself, which could bring you and the readers closer.

- Oh, it really grates upon my ear. I do not think I am a very spiritually developed person. Right, I’ve been walking along this road for a long time. But that’s quite a different matter how far I’ve advanced in this way. I live a normal life. Though probably I spend more time meditating, controlling my mind, reading and taking part in seminars, but in general…

- How more?

- One or two hours a day. In addition, once a week I go somewhere to walk and meditate. Here in Almaty I’m going to visit a cloister, and at home in Israel I manage to get to the desert or to the mountains. Once a year I visit Europe, the Alps in particular.

- Are you an adherent of any confession?

- First of all, I’m an alternative psychologist and the President of International League of alternative psychologists. One of our organization’s principles is not to be a fanatic of any religion. We think that all the religions lead to the same idea. My occupation deals more with science than with a religion. The system I’m practicing was presented in the Vedas and appeared again in Buddhism, Sufism (which I’m currently learning) and in many Christian books. We are just basing on the nectar which was given to sages during meditation. You know which is the most interesting thing? Now lots of modern western psychotechnics, which I’m studying as well, get closer to the ancient knowledge in its philosophy.

- Please tell us in short how you’ve started. You come from the former Soviet Union, don’t you?

- Right, I was born in Uzbekistan and lived there for 17 years. Then I left for Saint-Petersburg where I graduated from the military institute; I published scientific works, and I was the officer in a special division of the Air Forces. We were trained to serve at the Air Forces and KGB by special trainers who were very strong in different psychologies; their aim was to make a modern “supersoldier”. Our group was experimental – theses about us were written and upheld. From our teachers I learnt many absolutely new and revolutionary things which were not widely available as a lot of such research works at that time were strictly confidential. For example, I assured that 90% of a person’s success depends on his thoughts and his mind’s mood. There are people who go jogging for twenty years without achieving any results. But by developing your consciousness you can attain much in a very short period of time. During 2 years I became a master of sports of one kind, a candidate to be the master of four kinds of sports and very quickly I obtained 15 first categories. At some stage I stopped as I realized that some more profound things exist in the world. I got interested in eastern philosophy and especially in psychology. For five years I was a monk in an Indian temple, and I traveled through India. After I returned to Russia, I lectured at universities and plants… At the end of 90s I was invited to Israel where I organized the Israeli center of Vedic psychology and astrology.

- Your students are Christians, Muslims, Krishnaits, Buddhists… What is the purpose of their studying?

- The main thing is inner development, that is, to develop love to God. We come to this world only for love; it’s the single purpose of our life. If you’re given a house, car, good job and apparently happy family, but at the same time you’re deprived of love, – you’ll see that your life is worth nothing. Imagine that you are well-paid at your job, but colleagues treat you coldly and formally; besides, the members of your family hardly bear you… We cannot live in such a way, because we are a soul. The soul can live by unconditional love only. Unfortunately, there isn’t much love in our lives.

- It may be explained. We are a society of “cripples” – love in our hearts is hidden somewhere at the bottom, and it’s covered by so many fears, bitterness, aggression and socially acceptable masks. How do you help people to force their way to love?

- First of all, the person himself has to agree that he cannot live without love. According to our philosophy, we only get what we want. Now we are what we wished to be before. In future we’ll be what we wish now. The problem is that almost always people do not know themselves what they really want. There are thousands of wishes, and the Universe does not manage to concentrate them. The first thing we have to understand and realize is to wish whole-heartedly to learn unconditional love. Besides, the Universe won’t be able to help us until we state what kind of help we need. But lots of people feel shy even to articulate it.

- May the words “state” and “articulate” be equated here?

- Not exactly, but when we voice our desires, they get stronger. Usually, our consciousness contains absolutely different wishes, than those we think of and utter. I often ask from a patient to write quickly his life plans, and the most standard result I’ve got is as follows: a woman, who according to her chart needs to get married and have children at this very time, is writing about plans connected with job. That is, she asks from the Universe to give her a good job, and the Universe sends her an “answer”: if you want to have a job, you are welcome, but you won’t be given a family as you haven’t asked for it…

- So how should we stop making mistakes in our wishes?

- It’s simple. We can’t live without the only thing – without unconditioned love. Soul is a part of God. Love is a soul’s breath. The Vedas say that a person lives either with love or with fear. Modern society is full of fears: people are afraid that they won’t manage to pay their bills in time, to hold the manager’s place, to buy a stylish coat… Fear penetrates through everything. That is why the next step is fighting with fears. There is a special system which shows the delusiveness of fears and helps develop a correct outlook. The next stage is to clear hearts. If a person’s heart is full of envy, greed and lust, he is not able to feel love.

- And you direct your patients along this way, don’t you?

- In general I do, though this process may be a very individual one. I really like my psychology because it does work! Owing to it, the patients’ eyes start shining with happiness. Did you see the people’s faces at the end of the festival?

- They were wonderful and shining. But how long is it possible to keep this state of openness, love and happiness?

- Someone will keep it for a month, someone – for half a year. But later, if love is not maintained, subconscious programs, like a low spirits program, will launch. So it’s necessary to continue working at self-improvement.

- But how?

- Look, yesterday this table was cleaned, but today I’m touching it and I find a thin layer of dust. The same happens with our consciousness: when contacting the world surrounding us, we take in its energy even if we don’t want this. It’s just a law of energy exchange between subtle bodies, similar to laws of physics. Like the table covering with dust overnight, our consciousness may get dirty in a month or two. That is why it is extremely important to choose with whom to communicate, also to meditate and send love to the world. You have to get so deeply absorbed with this state and so strong that instead of devouring the outer world you will inspire everyone around you. But since we are not so strong yet, we need to communicate with those who are…

- I suppose everyone who’s reached this part of the interview, will begin to think of finding a teacher, – a person who will teach him how to “care of” his consciousness.

- That’s a good question. The Vedas say that a soul may reincarnate millions of times until it meets a true spiritual teacher, and owing to him we will be able to leave this world. And this is right. But there is an Indian proverb saying that when a pupil is ready, the guru will find his way to him. If a person wishes it from the bottom of his heart and if he’s ready, the Universe will send him a guru. And it’s not really correct to think of a teacher as of a grey-haired aged man necessarily residing somewhere in the mountains. Every second the Universe itself teaches us. Every second we need to choose whether we approach either unconditioned love, or fears and aggression. When someone steps on your foot in the bus, it’s just another lesson: how will you react? There are a lot of stories and parables in Judaism and Buddhism, illustrating a prostitute or robber being a teacher, – we shouldn’t get attached to the form, it is not important at all. We can obtain knowledge through books. Any person may open a book and find the answer to the main question of his life in the first paragraph. A stranger you’ve passed accidentally may tell you something that will change your whole life. The most important thing is what we want and ask from the Universe. In its turn, the Universe wants us to advance even much more eagerly than ourselves. Every second God speaks with us, the Universe is living, and the Universe is God. The problem is that many people become so absorbed with this insubstantial life full of fears, that they stop realizing it.

Lina Shahnovich