Hello, Rami! I read your column in “Sharm” journal with great pleasure. I immigrated to Israel in 1992. I study and work all the time and seem to have everything in my life. I have wonderful parents who always support me. I have good time-proved friends. I got married at the age of 21, and as it seemed to me at that time, my husband was a smart and self-dependent man. My former husband is 14 years older than me. I thought he would always love me, but our marriage broke up one year later. Both of us realized that we were absolutely different people with different aims and views of a family life.

I left my husband when my little daughter was 3 months old. Since then my daughter and I have been living with my parents for 6 years already. During these years I got acquainted with many people and heard a fair amount of stories about unhappy marriages. I began to fear to make a mistake by getting married for the second time. I am not a girl already and I understand what it means to be responsible for the other person. I do not manage to meet a kindred spirit. Very often, on the first date I’m acting like a psychotherapist. I’m listening to my date very attentively trying to find a way out of the situation together with the “patient”. As you understand, this first meeting and conversation become the last ones. For all these years I haven’t met a single man who would be interested in my feelings.

I think I‘m naturally a strong person, and when people get acquainted with me, they just feel it and unconsciously understand that it will not be so easy to cohabit with a person like me. They see that I’m rather severe to myself and people around me. Lately, I’ve had a feeling that I make no headway. Nothing changes, though I think I am not only destined for career development. I want to meet a man who will understand me and will be my friend in life, who will love me and not my achievements, my intellect, my affinity, and to whom I will want to give in return all I have – my soul. Will I meet such a man? Is it real? Thank you in advance for your reply. I wish you and you column all the best.

Oksana

Dear Oksana!

Unfortunately, you did not supply me with your exact details, thus it will not be possible to see future events in your life. What you have to understand is that to meet a lovable and dear person, the one who you can call your “second half” is a blessing, especially for people of Western culture which dictates a full indulgence towards one’s wishes, and most of decisions are made from the point of view of a false ego. In the modern Western society the model “I win – you lose” prevails and the concept of tolerance practically does not exist. Therefore, it’s no wonder that people with the closed House of Marriage in their charts come into this world.

It is very important for you to understand it, because you have to learn to live happily alone. Also try to understand that it is impossible to make any terms or demands to love, since it is a serious violation of the Divine laws which may lead to a complete failure in private and spiritual life. That is, you cannot say: I will only love the man having these definite qualities and possessing of this exact sum of money on the bank account. The Universe might give you such a man but your relationships will be deprived of unconditional love and, consequently, of happiness.

Besides, you need to learn to be lovable but not strong. People feel your strength; they come, get your energy and leave. But if you give them unconditioned love as a present, they will not wish to leave you. Again, we are talking about the importance of unconditioned love which many people still cannot understand yet. I will try to explain it.

1. The soul’s nature is in loving and being lovable. If a person does not love, then he cannot be happy even if he is well-being. Either consciously or unconsciously, everyone strives for unconditional love. Though on the outer level, people make the choice killing it.

2. We can obtain as much love as we give.

3. We cannot demand love and reproach others. If you say “I do so much for you, but you do not love me”, it means that everything has been done for your own selfish ends only. You write that you seem to “have everything in life”, but you are not happy. You continue: “I want to meet a man who will love me but not my achievements, my intellect, my affinity, and to whom I will want to give in return all I have – my soul”. You are obviously waiting for a lofty feeling. But what hinders you from having it? The answer is that you are not ready yet, because mentally you set terms to men. Accordingly, at the best you will be able to draw a man of the same sort. “Like draws like” – how to avoid it? You need to learn to be all-sufficient, not to make terms when you choose a partner, as we talked above. Besides, it’s important to learn to send love to everything and to everyone you meet in this world. Try not to judge people and circumstances you encounter. You should understand that the best help is when we assist the others in the development of unconditioned love and we give it to them. If you understand this point, you will avoid the role of a “life-saver” you play. Start reading books on this topic, work at self-improvement, and your life will become happier.

I wish you good luck, love and happiness!

Best wishes to everybody!
Ramie Bleckt.